Crying Out, But To Who?

As I lay in my bed tears soaking my pillows, worship music blasting, What started as a regular praise session turned into an all out worship moment. I realized I was praying and crying out to God. For weeks it seemed as though I was caught up in the rapture of my twisted and discouraging thoughts. The enemy had came in and began to steal my joy for some time now. Before I knew it I began to start speaking those things that I "wont" have. I started speaking hurt and sickness. I found myself putting my mouth on things negatively. I was no longer powerful and speaking positive words and confessing the word of God, but everything I was saying for the weeks leading up to this moment have been nothing but negativity.

My heart was hurting. My body was in pain and I just couldn't seem to get well, it didn't really matter what types of medication I was taking for my symptoms I continued to feel sick.

Before entering into this worship moment I reflected on everything that had been going on in my life leading up until that moment. I replayed every situation I've gone through both positive and negative. I reviewed how I've been handling myself in those situations and I realized that my reactions towards the things that were going on in my life were not in alignment with what I always had to say about God. I asked myself, "Who is God to you?", "What does God do for you?", "How would God feel about how I've been carrying myself lately?".

I know God wouldn't be pleased with the way I've been carrying myself as a representative of His works in the earth. I began to sob in disappointment. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had forgotten my purpose, but not intentionally. I allowed life and the transition I'm currently going through to distract me and keep me too busy to pray. Before I go any further I want to let every person know this..YOU ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO PRAY.

My regular Prayer and worship time is at 4 o'clock in the morning every morning. I wake up, give thanks, pray, and study the word of God. If I receive revelation on my reading then I will write, but only if the Holy Spirit leads me to write. That is my process. For months I had been ignoring my purpose, and saying forget my worship time, I will do it later before I go to sleep. Did I ever get to it? Absolutely not! It is said that it takes 30 days to develop a habit. After 30 days I completely forgot how it felt to wake up at 4am. I mean, God woke me up one morning and I was like whyyyyyy! LOL. I completely fell off track.

I was in a bad place and I knew I needed help. I know that I haven't been in a good place spiritually ; because spiritually I've been depleted. I had been failing myself by weakening myself since I hadn't been filling my spirit with the Word of God. The bible says, " The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles." Psalms 34:17.

I know that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God ( Romans 10:17) and is released by the words of our mouth. I know the importance of confessions and shutting down negative thoughts. I just wasn't acting on it. Once I pulled myself together I made a vow to myself to do better and be better when it comes to managing my time so I wont be too tired to wake up in the mornings during my worship time. I made a vow to myself that I will do my best to learn the names of God so whenever something arises I can call on God according to His specific names. I like to call myself a professional student, if I can spend time learning something I don't already know (especially about God and the word of God) then I'm all in. For 30 days I'm going to learn a new name of God and write about why I personally believe He is what the word says He is. Stay tuned.

Sometimes we need to be humbled and brought to our lowest places in life for God to reveal to you how BIG He is. It is my prayer that anything I write on my blog especially my testimonies, bless the lives of Gods people and encourage you all to do better, or help you feel better. Understand that we aren't perfect people we all sin and fall short of the Glory of God. Don't allow your failures and shortcomings to become an excuse to why you cant do better or use them to justify why you wont do better. God is always watching and He is always there. Be encouraged.

Love,

ChelCy