Your plan or Gods Plan

Someone is always going through something. In life we encounter different people from different walks of life daily. You never know what a person is going through or what a person is dealing with unless they say something about it. A simple "hello", "hey -how are you doing?", "I was thinking about you and I just wanted to check on you", or an "I'm praying for you" could really brighten a persons day. Lately I've been in a bad head space. It seems like it doesn't matter how much good I do my world still seems to turn upside down. Have you ever just felt like whenever one door opens another one just slams shut in your face or when you take one step forward something comes along and brings you two steps back? Well that's how I've been feeling. The enemy has been attacking me in every way possible and he has been winning! The saddest part about it is I gave up and let him win. I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". Lately I've just been asking God, WHY ME? Why is my life so hard? I remember last year sometime I had a procedure done on my toe where the doctor had to give me a shot to numb my big toe so she could shave off a callus that had grown over a wooden splinter that had become imbedded in the bottom of my toe. Well as she was shaving the callus away layer by layer, the shot began to ware off. I could feel her cutting the skin from my toe. The initial shot hurt so bad I refused a second dose. I said I can take it. After I sat there another 2/3 minutes with my eyes closed and my head tilted back as I clinched the seat I was sitting on, my doctor said, "you are a really strong person". My response was, " I have to be". Once she shaved away enough skin to create a hole she began to take her tweezers and dig around in the flesh of my toe to find and pull out the pieces of the splinter. It hurt like I don't know what. That experience made me recollect my memories and all the painful experiences I've endured in my lifetime. It made me focus on the fact that no matter what's come my way, I've always been strong enough to fight through it. I've been a fighter my entire life, from being born an addict and overcoming drug addiction, to laying in a hospital room hearing doctors tell my mom if I wouldn't have made it to the hospital when I did I would have died the next day...from physically fighting to stand up for myself, to fighting the thoughts of suicide and learning to love and care for myself all over again... I've had to fight in every aspect of my life ranging from my finances to my faith. As I write, like most times when I write, I've received a revelation. I was born to fight. I asked God "why me" when I should have been asking him "why not me?". Everything I've ever gone through has made me stronger, it's made me into the woman I am today. My mom use to tell me when I was little, if you can't handle the heat get out of the kitchen... I perform my best when I'm under pressure. However some times I just wish for once I could have things a little bit easy. Maybe just for once things will go as planned...., it just dawned on me, it'll only happen if it's apart of Gods plan. Love, ChelCy