Let Go of Those Things You Can't Control

Its so easy to get tied up and bogged down with worry. Trying to figure out how everything that’s going on in your life right now, in this very moment, will play itself out. Tossing and turning at night because you don’t understand why your life is how it is -why your plans aren’t working. Wondering why you don’t have what you’ve figured you should have at this time in your life. Where’s my husband? Where are my kids? What happened to my career? Why is my life and everything I worked so hard for leaving me unfulfilled?

These were the questions I asked myself every night. These were the questions I’ve had no answer to. These were the questions of which the answers- I had no control over. See These “things” I feel I needed in my life, required the action of other people. I couldn’t get married on my own -Marriage requires two people who want to commit their lives to each other. I cant have kids, because the way my life is set up, the prerequisite to me having children would be for me to be apart of a covenant union between my husband and myself. So no, I couldn’t do that alone. My career is my business, my brand, what I love doing. However, no matter how much you love something- if it involves producing a product or providing a service, you have no business if there is no demand for what you’re supplying. I felt stuck and alone. I was broke and broken.

After weeks of feeling depressed I decided I should just give up. I should just let go of faith because faith was no longer working for me -God no longer had his hand on me. He left me and I’m here, stuck, with no love and no favor. I grew angry with all the things that once fulfilled me. My blog filled with words and encouraging messages -If it were written on the pages of paper I probably would have burned each sheet. I felt my sacrifice wasn’t good enough anymore. I felt as though my love and compassion for doing what was right -loving and caring for people, giving, and sharing my life to help people -my purpose wasn’t good enough. In the flesh I wiled out. Not like I use to though. See, once you’ve been saved and have gotten use to living the God life. Most things in the natural just don’t please you the way they use to when you were living it; but I purposely rebelled against my calling because I felt He -God -The Father, was ignoring my call. Scripture states that if I cry out to Him, He’ll hear my cry and He will deliver me from my troubles. So why isn’t he answering me? Am I not righteous enough? Is my sacrifice not big enough? Am I not good enough? These were the questions that began to barricade my thought life. I had no peace.

“The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivered them out of all their troubles.” (Psalm 34:17. KJV)

It just so happened that a couple people I know on a personal level, were going through some of the same things I was going through. So now I was no longer alone. I had people who could relate to me and what I’m going through -If I wanted to throw a pity party, I now had people I could invite. Oh, how I was wrong, lol. Who doesn’t throw pity parties for anyone? ME, Chels! Lol. Honestly, I just feel that there are more positive things you can put your energy into. Which is why when I slipped and fell down into some feelings and realized that I couldn’t walk out on my faith - I knew it was time to pick myself back up. Instead of the conversations being focused on all the things that were going wrong in our lives, I noticed myself turning every depressing conversation into an encouraging message. Even though I was still broke, broken, and alone, I still couldn’t ignore my purpose and allow someone else to fall down and stay down with me. I can truly say, God used me to help people and by me helping people, he used me to help ME! The words that flowed from my heart during those talks weren’t just for the ears of the person on the receiving end, they were for mine too. God was allowing me to remind myself of why I changed my life in the first place. He reminded me of why my love and compassion for people outside of myself was so fulfilling to me. I knew that when I laid my head on my pillow at night, even though everything might not be how I want it to be, Its exactly how I need it to be.

One day I woke up and I asked myself , “How am I suppose to go out and encourage people and get them to be sold out for God when my life is in shambles?” I knew the moment I asked myself that question, that I genuinely 100% was not ready to give up on God.

#dontgiveup