The Beautiful Struggle.

Beauty is a curse... When dating, a pretty face is a distraction. Guys are so quick to get caught up in how beautiful my face is and how "sexy" my body is, that they don't get to experience how amazingly witty I am-- how articulate I am. Meaningful conversations become overshadowed by lust. Is it too much for a beautiful woman to be as equally beautiful on the inside? Is it too much to ask that instead of talking about my physical features, you take time to discover my intellectual attributes? Or am I to be just a pretty face? I've become somewhat of a " Debbie Downer" when it comes to conversations about my appearance. Only for the sole purpose that I am not an insecure woman -I know damn well I look good; but because I desire a man who cares about my soul far more than he will ever care about my face, I make it my purpose for guys to see my imperfections...just so they can focus on the inner me. For example: He says, "you're sexy". I say, " I know" He says, " Your skin looks so soft and you have a beautiful complexion" I say, "Thanks, but I have PR ( Pityriasis Rosea) in person it's really not that cute." He says, " you can't take a compliment" I say, " I can, but I'm just letting you know the truth. I'm not perfect!" It's saddens me to know that my attraction towards intelligent men has backfired on me multiple times. Most highly educated men are driven by their ego. They focus on accolades and building reputations far more than any intimate relationships. Those who do desire love, can't find a balance between both a relationship and his career; so he's forced to weigh his options, reevaluate his priorities and choose where it is you'll fit. Most times you will be classified as his trophy. -The curse of the beautiful woman and the intelligent man. He loves her spirit but he doesn't have time to focus on her desires. Her role is to be smart enough to hold a conversation with his colleagues, beautiful enough to persuade the male competitor in the favor of her spouse. Compassionate and exciting enough to be accepted. Connected, and loved by the wives. Witty, creative, and strong enough to balance all the roles of a "trophy". All the while maintaining an intimate and fulfilling relationship, in order to be praised by her spouse. I refer to this relationship as "Beauty & The Beast". A relationship that represents the male who is strong willed, has everything he desires materialistically, and has been hurt by those who he has loved; because he was unaware that he was unloveable. The man who is guarded and somewhat intimidating when it comes to intimacy. And the woman whose thinking is so complex, she is intrigued by his imperfections. She desires to break down his walls, because the softness in his eyes let her know that deep within -aside from the brash and somewhat harsh persona -he is just a man who needs to be loved. She knows she is fully capable of loving him. A week or so ago I wrote a post. I feel it fits right in because in most of these types of relationships one of the persons involved will retreat. It's easier for them to leave than to allow themselves to become vulnerable enough to be hurt... "Relationships require work. Both parties are to be willing to persevere through those difficult times. Giving up only proves that you weren't the person God ordained for her to have. While you breathe a breath of fresh air, she's finding her strength. Waiting for you won't be an option anymore. Eventually the thought that she will never get over you, will be just that, a thought. One day she'll wake up and she won't think of you. One day you'll be ready. One day it'll be too late. One day you'll realize you've missed the opportunity to build a lasting relationship with someone great. You were too focused on the picture of the finished product -You forgot that in order to build a solid foundation, you have to start with pieces. Sometimes they'll match up and sometimes they won't...you just have to take your time to find out where they go. Once everything is lined up, you'll be able to build. You can't walk before you crawl and you can't add walls to a home when the foundation isn't built. You giving up on her doesn't hurt 'cause you're just so "great" she can't live without you. It hurts because out of everyone else, she thought you'd be the one who cared the most to stay. One day you'll realize she wasn't the one you left...she was the one that got away. " Today I reposted a meme and one of my followers commented on it this morning, which led me to think deeper about loving those who are unloveable. Is it just a test? Should we intentionally test those who we love in order to reveal if they are right for us? Here's the text from the meme along with the response of my follower and myself... "Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you'll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can't change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn't just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he's out of it now, you're going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn't change that some people just don't fit. -My fathers recipe for the man I should marry." Follower Comment: "I like this but then I don't. Time will tell and God will reveal. But I don't like to test anyone or push them to their limit. BUT I do wanna know how they will react lol maybe I should start testing lmbo " Me: "I've never had to do these things intentionally. Life has a way of testing people all on its own. I just pay attention to every reaction to his struggles. I listen to his words, pay attention to the context in which it's said. And I allow a man to take the lead. Men know what they want and where they want to go in life. If they're having difficulty getting there, you will see the signs. Some men are great and will pass every test -Some won't. I believe it's in the woman's best interest to find his strengths and become familiar with his weaknesses, so that when he's tested you will know how to strengthen and encourage him to do and be better. Now this post, I feel, is trying to tell a woman to pay attention to how he treats you in these circumstances. A man can show you and tell you how much he cares and what he thinks about you in one sentence. It's true God will reveal in time; he tests us all based on the magnitude of our faithfulness, to make us better people. A man who loves a woman WILL change...a coward won't. Women are tested just as well as men but because we are more emotional we communicate our feelings more often than men --allowing them into our thoughts, showing them our weaknesses, and giving them the opportunity to make the decision to either work with us or leave us alone. I just think this post was meant to tell women to pay attention; the man you love may turn into the very person you despise the most. I won't test a man intentionally. I allow God to do all the testing for me. And men will be men...a simple disagreement will anger a man. Especially a man who's so use to his own way and now having to communicate and express himself to a woman who is as equally strong willed as he is...that's like bringing fuel to the fire. It's all in a man's ego and his pride. Strip him of his pride...when a man allows you into his heart he will do whatever it takes to protect both his and yours, if he really cares to honor you." Follower Comment: "Exactly! It all takes time, understanding and communication! Oh and of course God!!!" Testing, it either makes or breaks the relationship. There is no grey area, it's either "hit or miss" or "pass or fail". Is it a test when someone you are completely compatible with questions your strength to endure the hardships and struggles when life has its way with you? Why is it a woman's beauty on the outside initiates the stigma that pretty women can't be faithful or aren't capable of playing a significant role in a relationship? Why is it so hard for Beauty to love a Beast? Is it a pride thing on both parts? Are two people who are fully capable of loving each other that prideful to where removing walls and crossing boundaries are too risky to be attempted, all because you fear getting hurt? Does fear of the unknown really control our actions and reactions toward certain circumstances involving other people? Beauty is not only skin deep, it radiates from within. A beautiful spirit is far more captivating than a pretty face. Boys will be Boys -but a man will risk it all If he desires a meaningful relationship with you. Respect will always be given to a woman/ man worth respecting. Do you respect yourself enough to know when "enough is enough"? God provides strength in our weakest moments. He enables us to make our own decisions and equips us with the knowledge to make sure those decisions are right. Women were made to support and encourage her man. Any man who believes in God should know that his woman will be his helper and provide strength. Ladies remember you were taken from his rib, not the sole of his foot. You are to be cherished like a jewel, respected as a partner, and supported. You are also put in place to be the person he can depend on when times get tough both mentally and physically. Relationships are partnerships. I am more than just a pretty face. I am strong, intelligent, and a woman who fears the most high, God. I desire a man who can pray for me not prey on me. A man who is not ashamed to pray with me when times get tough. I desire respect and not to be subjected to the role of a "Trophy" or Toy- my feelings and emotions are to be cared for. This beauty is fully capable of loving her beast. However, she's smart enough to know when to stay in a relationship and when to leave. A simple note to my readers... Be wise, be lovable, and most importantly don't lose yourself trying to find commitment. Stop looking ladies and let your Boaz find you. You are worth being cherished. And guys, please know that most pretty and intelligent women are strong...we face the struggles that those women who aren't stereotyped as "pretty" have to face. Discernment is our thing. We ask a lot of questions because most relationships were built on ulterior motives. We have been subjected to playing roles we never agreed to play. Some of us have been broken down by the men that we loved because our confidence has to reside on a completely different level. We've been put in situations where we were forced to find strength we didn't know we had. Pretty women aren't weak...underestimated, but not weak.

#justablog