Lessons Learned 1.) My Experience With Relationships and Overcoming Offenses"

1.) "My experience with relationships and overcoming offenses"

(My personal perspective, definitions, and outlook on how to handle the situation.)

Negativity stems from personal opinion. Your opinion of someone stems from your interaction with that particular person; and your interaction with the person determines the type of relationship you'll have with them.Relationships can either be toxic or healthy. How you view your relationships are determined by the level of respect you have first for yourself, and secondly, for the other person. Without respect there is no trust; and finally without trust there is no relationship.

Toxic Relationships.- A relationship is deemed toxic when either party involved feels there is no growth, no spiritual maturity, and in a sense is taking away from what the other person can potentially be. Toxins cause matter to break down. So from the relationship perspective, a toxic relationship is a relationship where you feel you're being broken down. Toxic relationships will never produce a positive result; It's better to give way to these toxicities than to hold on to them.

Healthy Relationships- A healthy relationship is filled with love, trust, and security. These are the relationships that build you up, they drive out the best in you. They create positive energy. When you're in a healthy relationship you are in a happy place.

The correlation:At the beginning stage of any relationship both parties are trusting, caring, and loving.

Determining the type of relationship

Most relationships start off as healthy -however, some can start healthy and then begin to take a turn for the worse. Relationships fall apart due to many things. The major reasons relationships fall apart are due to envy, jealousy, greed, distrust, gossip, offenses, arrogance, and silence, to say the least.

Envy: to envy someone is to want what they have..

Jealousy: to be jealous of someone is to dislike someone or create discourse with someone because you either want what they have or you feel they don't deserve what it is they have obtained. A jealous person has the mindset that "that should be me" or "I can do it better".

Greed: greed in a relationship is easily mistaken for pride, however, a greedy person wants everything for themselves and they will do anything in their power to attain it.

Distrust: distrust occurs when there is an offense that has been established.

Gossip: is "he said, she said"- its the achievement of two or more parties gathering and sharing information, with or without the validation of the information being deemed accurate or not accurate.

Offenses: are those things that "rub you the wrong way", those things that "don't sit well with you".

Arrogance: is an attitude also mistaken for being proud- nevertheless, arrogance is a brutal and unapologetic demeanor.

Silence: is the act of saying nothing.

Offenses in depth

- offenses are derived from one of two things : A conversation or an action.In relationships handling offenses are pivotal to maintaining the connection and developing the growth when moving forward from the offense.Thus, when dealing with another person outside of yourself how you say something or how you handle a particular situation can spark a particular emotion in the "offended" forcing the person who triggered the emotion to become the "offender".

How to properly handle an offense

1.) The offended must address the offender in regards to the offense.

Example:In a subtle tone and delightful manner -"Hi Tommy, can I speak with you privately for a moment?"

Why? Because people outside of yourself may not know your triggers, they may not pay attention to what was said, and it's better to speak to the offender one on one, instead of in front of a group (if you are In fact in a group setting).

Addressing a problem in front of a group causes a person to remove themself from the offense and become defensive.

If there is more than one person left offended (and you are in a group setting) the only conversation to be had between those who are offended should be to come up with a "plan of action" of how you are going to approach the offender.

The best way to discuss the offense is one on one or one at a time.

2.) The offended must be open and susceptible to listen.

When dealing with someone outside of yourself that person may communicate differently from you, therefore you have to be open to hearing all sides of the argument. Remember you are not always right.

3.) You must be willing to accept what has been stated and devise a plan of action to move forward from the offense.

4.) You must forgive.

No matter the plan of action agreed upon, as a Christian and a human it is confirmed in his word that we are to forgive and love those who hurt us.

Moving forward from an offense and maintaining the relationship

When moving forward from an offense one must renew their thought process when dealing with the person who initially offended them, you must love your past offender, and forgive them. This means when you see this person and you have had a mutual disagreement with, you don't always think about the past offense.

When you've moved forward you leave the offense in the past where it's at. However, if a certain action or conversation with a past offender causes you to reignite the emotion you had when you were offended, and you display your same RE-ACTION towards the new complication -you have not in fact moved on from the offense, you have not completely forgiven the offender, and your relationship will remain tarnished until these things perspire.

When you realize this is what's happening in your relationship, stop, pray, and re-evaluate.

Ask yourself:

"is it really that deep or am I blowing things out of proportion?"

"Has this person really offended me a second time or am I not completely over the initial offense?"

"If I am being offended a second time is this relationship a healthy relationship (where I'll grow from it) or is it a toxic relationship (where there's nothing but negativity stemming from it)?"

Relationships require work, patience, tact, and knowledge of the persons lifestyle (where you've been, where you come from, what makes you tick). Relationships require trust, love, nurturing, and commitment. To develop a genuine connection and maintain a valuable relationship both parties must stand in agreement with each other, not against each other.

The whole thing in a nutshell

In closing, relationships and offenses are handled with respect. Before developing a relationship with someone outside of yourself, you must first develop a relationship with yourself. Within your personal relationship you must become your "best friend", you must love yourself, embrace those things about yourself that make you weak or unfulfilled and seek guidance in The Word of God on how to seek out the positive things in you that compensate for all the negative.

Pray away all negative spirits attached to your inner peace. The relationship with yourself is the second most important, after your relationship with God.

Throughout my journey I'm constantly reminded of how important it is to love yourself first. The relationship with yourself should continually be nurtured and built up; because how you value yourself will be the determining factor when it comes to outside relationships and how you allow others to value you.

Secondly, you must respect yourself. Just as you love yourself, you must respect yourself. If you are responsible for living recklessly and allowing other people to determine how you handle a particular situation, then you're showing the lack of respect you have for yourself.

For example: a person who respects them self will handle a situation differently than most. If someone calls a person who loves and respects themselves out of their name, they won't allow that person to cause them to step out of their character because this foolish person called them out of their name -no!

Why?

Because you respect yourself enough to know that you have to protect your character, you love yourself enough to know who you are, and nobody can ever tell you any different.You can't have a relationship with other people if you don't know how to embrace the relationship you have within yourself. I love me! Lesson Learned.

Love,

ChelCy

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